“To all the girls that think your ugly because you’re not a size zero, you’re the beautiful one. It’s society whose ugly.” – Marilyn Monroe
I absolutely love this quote, because it speaks volume and truth!
As a child, I was the shy girl that never said much. I was the girl who was always alone, talking to her pretend friends. Often, I was taunted and teased just because I would not speak. Today, I’ve discovered that what I had was social anxiety.
Now, as if all that was not enough, as I entered high school, I began struggling with low self-esteem. I never really compared myself to the girls on TV or in magazines, but to my classmates and.. my best friend. Yes, my best friend of 15 years. We met when I was 4 and she was 5 years old, and we’ve been friends ever since.
Growing up, I always envied her, for one reason or another. It wasn’t just that she was naturally a beautiful girl, who didn’t, and still doesn’t, have to stay in the gym to keep her figure, but she always seemed to have great things coming toward her without even trying. People loved her, inside and out, and I envied that. Sadly, I wasn’t the only one comparing myself to her, but often my own loved ones would also. They were not doing in purposefully, it just.. happened.
Over time, the battle in my mind continued to grow. I fought and fought, but it seemed as if I was defeated every time. In fact, I became my own worst enemy. I was harder on myself than anybody else. I never was, and never have been the girl that guys fawn over. I am, an always have been the girl that sits back and listens to her friends talk about their crushes and boyfriends. And.. if I may say so myself, my acting skills are superb, because they seemed to never notice the pain in my eyes… I dreamed of having a guy just to talk to me, let alone, pay me the slightest bit of attention in that way. Oh it did happen. Rarely.
It was those rare moments that kept me going, that gave me hope. As I look back to my high school days, I really cannot remember when the mental transition began to take place. I know that I changed physically, and got in better shape, but even then, my mind still lingered in the past.. Never being truly satisfied with what I saw in the mirror. Of course, it wasn’t just my physical appearance that caused my low self-esteem, but it was my personality and talent abilities that discouraged me as well. Those were things I often compared with my best friend too.
I consider it a miracle, that I no longer compare myself to her. I no longer hate what I see when I look in the mirror. Instead, I have changed my daily habits, to better myself now and in the future. Once upon a time, not long ago, I was nervous and hesitant about going to the gym. Now.. I am a freakin’ gym junkie! I love it. And when I don’t go.. I miss it. No obsession about it. I do things that make me feel good and I do my best to make others happy as well.
Recently, I had a bit of a relapse, I guess you could say… I was feeling really low about myself, and like usual, I had to find a way to take my negative feelings, and make something positive come out of it..
So here it is… feedback appreciated! 🙂
Today, I can confidently say, I am beautiful, and so are you!