“Looking for something that can never be found. Wasting away your days with meaningless hope, full of obscurities. Thinking that prince charming will come riding towards you in the moonlight. Instead, he’ll pull out a knife, and take away your life (figuratively speaking). For fairy-tales will remain fairy-tales. They’ll become nothing more.”
That, above, is a quote from a book that I wrote and self-published at the age of 16, when I was fresh out of a relationship that left me broken and needy. I have never admitted to anybody, ever, that what I went through, which looking back on it, wasn’t much of anything, left me confused about love. So, I wrote a fiction book, inspired by my experiences, about a young girls struggle to define what love really is.
In the book, “Brokennedy” (Broken and Needy), you can Google it, the main character, Kalldah, has suffered pain and heartbreak, because of her faulty relationship with her now, ex-boyfriend, J.D. Sereyva is Kalldah’s best friends, who is also telling the story. Sereyva is struggling to define what love truly is herself. Yet.. she is trying to help Kalldah truly heal as well. Throughout the entire short story, the girls contemplate the meaning of love and hate and the similarities between the two. In fact, it is as if love and hate or in a conflict, a war, of which the ultimate solution is revealed in the end. It is discovered that God’s love is the only true love that can conquer hate and sin.
Love and hate are polar opposites, yet they have similarities as well. This is discussed within the story itself. As I sit here, reading back over this book, I can’t help but think… ‘Ohhh yea, I sho’ did write this book when I was sixteen.’ I have re-read this book many times, but it has been awhile since I have again, till now. I guess, a part of me is a little ashamed that I let my emotions get the best of me, along time ago, to the point where it inspired me to right this book.
I confess! I am extremely blunt and forthcoming about my view of love and hate. I must also confess that, I was confused. This book is completely fiction, but it was indeed, inspired by my experiences with ex-boyfriends and relationships that never were. I am currently trying to come to a place in my mind, where I am no longer embarrassed about my confusion about love. Love, infatuation and hate is what the book is about. I use to think that this book was okay for a thirteen year old girl to read. I am now conflicted. I don’t know anymore. I mean, I down-right dis love at times and compare it closely to hate. Who does that? Well, I did. I made it no secret that fairy-tales, in my opinion, cannot be reality at any point and time. However, I do believe in love, peace, happiness and God of course. I just feel a bit uneasy about being so forward. But I guess somebody has to right? I mean, nothings wrong with dreaming and fantasizing, but after awhile… reality is always there.
So, on behalf of the 16 year old me, to all those who have and ever will read my book, “Brokennedy”, I ask you, please cut me some slack. I was only 16.
One thing I love about the book though, is that it all makes sense in the end. In the end, the characters are no longer going back and forth. Spoiler alert: The ending is not your typical happy ending, because it is not your typical romance story. In reality, this book is meant for teenagers and young adults who have been in any kind of romantic relationship. The overall message is to be careful at what you call love, because the word “love” is used so loosely now-a-days. Ladies, no boy/man is worth your tears. If you are in an abusive relationship, confide in someone you can trust, and leave that relationship, sooner rather than later. And, I don’t believe you can every truly recognize “real love,” until you have come to recognize God’s love for us, his divine creation. Because… God is love.
The ending of Brokennedy:
“They searched for love in all the wrong places
Every crack and corner
None of them having what they were in need of
They thought they needed a warm body beside them
And an arm to be wrapped around them
1 John 4:7-8 and 11-12 says,
Beloved, let us love one another, for love is of God and everyone that loveth is born of God, and knoweth God.
He that loveth not, knoweth not God; for God is love.
Beloved, if God so loved us, we ought to love each other.
… If we love one another, God dwelleth in us, and his love is perfected in us.
So love is beautiful. Hate is ugly. It’s as simple as that.
Find that one special person, and fall in TRUE love.
Surely, you won’t regret it. Ever.”
Thanks for reading!